主题：[转帖]是真爱还是迷恋？

 Are you really in love? How do you know the difference between love and infatuation? This is often difficult to determine, for there are no the definitions of love or infatuation. Romantic love is very much a part of the American way of life and many expect that someday “it” is going to hit them and they will know they are in love!
　  What are some of the difference between love and infatuation? Genuine love is more likely to involve a process of “growing” in love rather than “falling” in love. This may sound terribly unromantic to some who are used to hearing talk about “falling in love” or being “head over heels in love.” This “falling” is often infatuation, and the sheer emotion of “falling in love often blinds a person to the imperfections of the loved one. We tend to think of the loved one as “perfect”, “ideal”, or some other divine image. Real love sees the total person with both the perfection and the imperfection. Infatuation, then, is a sudden, emotional case that one has discovered the “perfect” lover, On the other hand, love realizes imperfections and grows with the acceptance imperfections.
　　Love leads a person to a feeling of securing and trust in the loved one. It usually involves a feeling of mutual benefit arising from the new relationship. We are able to solve our problems together is the feeling of love, rather than “Please love me because I need you.”
　　Infatuation often entails feelings of insecurity whenever the “lovers” are separated; feeling of doubt, fickleness uncertainty, and fear of loss often accompany infatuation. “What will I do if I lose him?” and “I wonder if she really means it when she says she loves me?” express the feelings of infatuation. In such a setting a losing love does not have a chance to develop.
　　Infatuation tends to be more manipulative than love because a lasting feeling of relationship probably has not developed, so that the individuals are still concerned mainly about their own needs and satisfactions. Conversely, in love, the feeling of relationship is genuine and sincere so that concern for the other person evolves naturally.
　　Physical attraction is an important part of both infatuation and love, but the superficial attraction is less important in love, for the couple experiencing love usually will build their relationship on a broader base than mere physical attraction. Although genuine love is an ideal toward which a couple strives, you don't have to be perfect to love. True love involves a measure of self-acceptance, self-respect and a degree of self-sufficiency. In other that one may accept, respect, and trust another person, but it does not require unachievable levels of these qualities.

             你真的恋爱了吗？你知道恋爱和迷恋之间的区别吗？这个问题常常是难以回答的，因为对于真爱和迷恋，都没有一个确切的定义。浪漫的爱情常常是美国式生活的一部分，很多美国人都期待有一天真正的爱情发生在自己身上，那时他们就知道自己真的恋爱了。
    真爱与迷恋之间有那些区别呢？真正的爱情更多的是一种在恋爱中“成长”的过程，而不是“坠入”爱河。这话对于那些习惯于嘴里喊着“坠入爱河”或者“对爱情顶礼膜拜”的人来说，听起来似乎感觉很不浪漫！而这种“坠入”往往就是迷恋，这种“坠入爱河”的纯粹感情经常使人们看不到对方的缺点。我们都本能的把自己所爱的人看的很“完美”，很“理想化”，或者其他的良好形象。真正的爱情应该是能看到对方的全部，包括缺点和优点。而迷恋，却只是某人突然感性的发现了自己认为所谓“完美的”爱人。换句话说，真爱使双方都看到各自不完美的地方并接受这些不完美却能一起成长，共同进步。
    真爱使人产生保护和信赖对方的感情。它是一种使双方都能从这种新的关系中有所获益的感情。真爱是我们能在一起解决问题和不是“因为我需要你，所以你要爱我”。
    迷恋常常使“恋爱双方”在分开时，产生一种不安全的感觉，怀疑、浮躁不安、担心失去对方等，经常伴随着迷恋双方。“如果我失去他我该怎么办？”，“她说她爱我的时候是不是真的爱我呢”？都表示这只是一种迷恋。这种情况下，一份失败的感情是没有机会再继续发展的。
    迷恋比真爱更加可控，因为迷恋的感情维系有可能完全没有发展，因此各自都仍然更多的关注自己的需求和满足感。相反，真爱的关系是真实的，诚挚的，因此为对方考虑是很自然的。
    身体上的吸引对于迷恋和真爱来说都是很重要的一部分，但是表面的吸引对真爱却不是很重要的。因为谈恋爱的两个人的关系是建立在更广的层面上而不仅仅是身体上的吸引。虽然真爱都是双方所追求的，但是你却不必一定要在爱人面前表现的完美无暇。真正的爱情是能在自我接受，自尊和一定程度的自我满足上保持平衡。换句话说，一个人要能接受，尊重，和信赖对方，不必要求对方一定要取得什么不可能达到的成就。